so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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