I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
