He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Are we still banned from the library?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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