I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
