Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
