Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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