gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
