Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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