omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
