Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
