Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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