Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Drake has all the answers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
