So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
