So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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