Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
