where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
