Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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