Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
