we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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