just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
