I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
