The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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