google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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