Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
