so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
