please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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