I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
