honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
