Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
