420 ftw
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
