Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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