we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
