i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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