is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
