I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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