I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
