I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Farmville is her only friend.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
BRING THE BAGELS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
