He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
