Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
