Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
