I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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