my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
