Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
