omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
