id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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