His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
