True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
