Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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