i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
