CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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