I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
