honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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