either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish life had little blips of pornography
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
