just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
