Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
